No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
