Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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