just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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