I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
