Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
