You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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