38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
foreskin is a definite game changer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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