Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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