I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
