Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
