I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
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i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
COCAINE IS GR8
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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