she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
