If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You ruined the universe
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize