I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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