That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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