Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
