just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
