I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
