Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
