you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
