He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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