can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
