I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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