By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
