She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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