I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
