I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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