I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
