Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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