we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
