It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
