whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
