I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
