i jhust puked up my retainher.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
