I should be sponsored by Trojan
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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