i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
