So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love you.
Bad choice
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
