you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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