I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
