this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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