What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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