My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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