i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We need to get me chipped asap
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
