btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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