Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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