I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
