Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
