How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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