She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
