if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
