Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
