You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize