I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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