so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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