Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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