So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
