I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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