I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize