I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
