So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Holy shit dude........stairs
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