But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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