Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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