Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
