Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
