you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
