Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
