I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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