You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
