got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
