Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
