new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
