i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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