when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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