it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
