Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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