I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
