Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
