wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
