So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
