I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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