He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
