He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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