I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
