i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
