apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
