I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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