im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
