So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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